(It does sound like you're getting a little screwed over, yeah. Maybe Santa doesn't like incest and porn?

It is indeed the original fic, or least the pairing. It's... going, slowly. I'm just about the kill a bunch of people off, so I'm starting to get back into my comfort zone. I really want to post it tonight, but I don't know if I'll get it finished how I want it that quickly.

You could tie all your clothes together and use them to escape out of your window. That always works in cartoons.)